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What’s the Secret of Feeling at Home Wherever You Are?

June 13th, 2007, by Attila Borcsa in Conscious living, 6 Comments

Slippers

Can you recall those people that always seem to be at home in whatever circumstances? I am sure you do. Or on the other side, those people who never seem to feel comfortable wherever they are? Are you one of those? Do you feel at home right now? Or on the contrary, you feel some sort of restlessness, some urge to move on from where you are right now? Stop for a moment and try to give an honest answer here. Can you remember those moments when you really felt that you have arrived home? Why do you think they occurred there and then?

Some say, that a home is not really alive without children or animals. Children have the ability to make things alive around them. They see those things with quite different eyes. Often give names and confer imaginary features to the things surrounding them. How do grown-ups loose this wonderful capacity? What is it that suppresses this kind of imagination?

Kid with rabbit

I’ve been sometimes at peoples homes who had kids, but none of the kids drawings were on the walls. Instead there was good taste all over the place. Almost suffocating. So sterile that it was close to suppressing life itself. Behind the perfectly presented good taste there was the stressing absence of intimacy. Things weren’t emanating familiarity at all. If you try to recall it for a moment, I’m sure you know what it feels like.

Familiarity is emanated by the things, even the walls of certain places. But the true sources of familiarity are those special people who know the secret of it. Those who know it and carry it are the rare type that not even seem to feel at home wherever they are, but are even able to recreate that special atmosphere in a completely new place. They seem to find they way home at all times.

We could say that there are fortunate circumstances for this. I think there must be something more to it. Could it be some inner capacity for manifesting safety and comfort? Have those people reached some inner point of certainty that reinforces them this way? They definitely seem happier than those who don’t have this wonderful ability. I would be glad to hear your take on this. So, what do you think is the secret of feeling at home wherever you are? I am sure you’ve met the type I am talking about. Or maybe you are one of those lucky ones? Then you definitely need to share your secret!

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Comments on "What’s the Secret of Feeling at Home Wherever You Are?":

  1. Paul Anthony Madacsi says:
    June 15th, 2007 at 4:40 pm

    HOME IS WHERE THE HEART IS!!!

    Certainly I think it is easier to feel at home when the place you are at has a nice relaxing atmosphere. This doesn’t necessarily mean there must be children or animals running around.

    Atmosphere and a pleasant surround is everything to help you feel at home. Here are a few examples:

    I have a friend who has a big house and it is furnished with very expensive furniture and toys. When ever I visit, everything is in its place and everything is so formal that I find it hard to relax there.

    On the other hand my other friend has a modest house furnished with comfortable old furniture, but everything is homey including good old fashion hospitality. Whenever I walk into that house it feels like home, or better said, somewhere I really want to be.

    Bars and restaurants are the same. Where do you feel more at home? In a neighborhood bar or restaurant with good homemade food where you are greeted by your first name? Or, a plush trendy bar and restaurant with sterile surroundings, including the waiters?

    Perhaps the bottom line is, it’s the people we choose to be with and are surrounded by that makes us feel at home, where ever we might be. I can be at home almost anywhere when I’m surrounded by good, warm, and friendly people.

  2. marcus says:
    June 17th, 2007 at 11:22 am

    I agree that atmosphere is very much a part of what makes a place feel homely. I also find certain environments, such as the North of England make me feel very much at home.

    But then there is the feeling of “being at home with oneself” which I think is a large part of what you are getting at. For me, that feeling is an internal feeling and has little to do with what is around me. It’s a feeling that gets stronger and more stable as I get older. And it comes with an inner self assuredness. Not to be mistaken with being cocky or arrogant, but rather an inner feeling of peace.

    For me this one of the main aspects of spiritual growth. In our materialistic world it is all too easy to identity ourselves with our environment or with the atmosphere we find ourselves in. But that really isn’t a part of our identity. In many cases the people that carry the feeling of “being at home” where ever they are, are perpetual travellers. People who move from country to country and have little in the way of possessions other than what they can carry in their suitcase.

    “Home is where the Heart is”. The heart is inside of us. Both physically and spiritually.

  3. teodora says:
    June 17th, 2007 at 3:20 pm

    I don’t think one should feel at home everywhere. Me for example, I feel at home at home. That makes sense, doesn’t it? I don’t feel that much at home on a crowded train at summer, and I feel OK at different places depending on the circumstances.
    Also I don’t think children and dogs are important. It can be cats, or it can be a nice carpet or having plants or a good hifi. If someone needs many things like this to feel good then it’s more like a shortcoming. Maybe I feel different because I haven’t lost my capacity of giving imaginary (it’s not imaginary at all:) features to stuff…
    The “secret” could be honesty, self-confidence, freedom… not having a need to copy the “home look” from an ikea catalog to show others how cosy it is.

  4. Paul Anthony Madacsi says:
    June 19th, 2007 at 5:20 pm

    Permanency/ownership.

    One other observation I have made regarding the “secret of feeling at home” is when there is permanency/ownership involved. What do I mean by this, here is a brief explanation.

    When I was younger and finally moved away from home to start life on my own, I first started out by living in apartments, or places I had to rent and did not actually own. Some of these places were very nice, in nice locations, and I tried to make them very livable with nice furnishings and decorations. However, try as I might I never was able to feel at home in these places.

    Then there came a day in my life where I was offered a good job in a southern city (I happened to be living in the USA at the time). When I first moved there I rented a place for my wife and small daughter but I made a vow to myself that I would do whatever it took to buy my own home.

    After several months we found a nice older house which we bought, fixed it up and made it our first home. Although old, it was quite comfortable with lots of old fashion charm. At that time I traveled a lot, but whenever I returned from a trip I always felt like I was returning home and not just a place for living.

    After that assignment my company moved me several times to different locations throughout the USA. With every move I always bought another house which always gave me that feeling of permanency and returning/being at home.

    Now, I have been living in Hungary for a few years. To be honest I like living in Budapest, but somehow I have never really been able to feel at home here. Whenever I think about why this is, one of the main reasons I come up with is because I have always rented since my arrival. Yes, and even after almost 4 years my flat still doesn’t seem like home.

    So, I suspect when I finally make the move and buy a place of my own, weather it’s in Budapest or in the country, I will finally feel comfortable and that I’m at home at last. I hope this happens soon, as in spite of all the problems here, I really love Hungary and want it to be one of my many homes!

    Have you experienced this permanency/ownership home connection, I suspect the answer might be yes?

  5. Attila Borcsa (author) says:
    June 19th, 2007 at 8:45 pm

    Many thanks boys and gals for sharing your thoughts on this! Some valuable opinions were expressed here!

    From your comments I see that you all agree on “Home is where your heart is”. It is always thrilling to see a common point showing up in different minds. The question is then, where is the heart? We need to figure that out first to find our home afterwards, don’t you think?

    Paul, it seems like the topic is very actual in your life now! (I have to tell you that I got an e-mail from a constant reader who is a little shy to post comments, saying that he could not leave it unnoticed that this post was addressed to him.) It is interesting that you bring up ownership here. I guess it must be something like a ritual that brings certainty. And safety, confidence and protection, all brought by a true home. They are just one step away from there! Don’t you think?

    Marcus, you expanded the concept both geographically and spiritually to my taste. I am also taking sides when in comes to finding an inner point of support. Thanks for pointing that out!

    Teodora, you brought your personal touch to the topic, as usual. The ability that you preserved “of giving imaginary (it’s not imaginary at all:) features to stuff” is a rare bird I guess. I am not sure how many people can do that after growing up. Good point with the cats! Fortunately mine just missed this article ;)

  6. Paul Anthony Madacsi says:
    June 20th, 2007 at 3:30 pm

    Yes, ownership brings certainty! Well put Attila!

    To me if you own your own home here are some of the effects that ownership might bring: safety, confidence, protection, community, shelter, peace, tranquility, belonging, family, neighbors, pets, children, inspiration, imagination, etc. and all of these things bring or are manifested into LOVE.

    If one thinks about it, houses come in all sizes and shaped but a house is not necessarily a home. That’s because a home contains something that not everyone has, or can experience, a home contains LOVE! You can see it everywhere in a home, in the people who live there, in the way they decorate their surroundings, from pictures, objects, furniture etc. and their attitude toward neighbors and mankind in general.

    So, it’s LOVE that makes our houses our homes, Yes, this is where the heart is, this is where you will find it, transferring that positive energy that turns a house into our homes!

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