There are moments that spring up in life as ones of great lucidity. If they show up in unexpected circumstances, at unexpected times, – and they usually tend to do so – our comfortable peace is gone. That is when we feel we are not what we are ought to be. That is when many of us ask major questions. That is when existential reality reveals itself in glimpses. The restlessness it leaves behind is uneasy to bear. But is easy to get rid of it.

All we need to do with those moments is forgetting them. More to that, everything around us is arranged to help us in forgetting. Almost effortlessly we can get back to our comfort zone. Forgetting and feeling comfortable again.

All that is there is showing us our dual nature. We have the comfort zone, the one that we are used to. Our individual life, our comparative reality. Filled with anchors, hanging on to our identity. With the need to permanently define and redefine ourselves. And there is our life manifesting in a different direction, our existential reality, the so called “inner life”. Where we have less to hang on to, and what is showing up unexpectedly. Quite disturbing. Showing our inadequacies.

The contradiction in which these two “lives” that manifest in us are contradictory only at first. Obviously they are part of our nature and it is desirable to find our peace with both, to find the balance between our natures. They are both part of our human nature, having this contradiction as its major trait.

Our forgotten hidden nature comes to the surface with the taste of discomfort. It was neglected, it was buried and forgotten, so when it shows up, it is always unexpected. It brings contradictions, it conflicts with our life so far. But only through facing the discomfort, through accepting it we can get started in the search for ourselves.

“In this search perhaps there is a risk of oscillating between an imbecilic bliss (which would be deliberately ignoring the discomfort) and a kind of masochism (giving it undue importance – has it not been called by some, metaphysical anguish?).” (1) I have found these excellent thoughts of Jean Vaysse to be sharply pointing out a warning to be considered here. If you just take a moment to remember for ex. the Stakhanovist practicer of esotericism (or what). Whose behavior may be understandable at the first encounters with inner nature. Strange in its struggle and definitely counterproductive (sic!).

What to do then? By “doing” we can only mean finding a proper approach. Understanding brings change. Jean Vaysse continues like this: “The only right attitude, a difficult one to be sure, is somewhere between the two – the recognition of the precise nature of our uneasiness and our inner conflict, such as they are, in the hope of resolving them.” (1)

The first encounters with our forgotten nature are never easy. As you’ve seen before, my take on this is that it is voluntary, it is a possibility. It can be approached by choice, by decision. Forget deliverance as something to be blindly hoped to happen. If a man wants to be fully himself, the possibility is there. But There Ain’t No Such Thing As A Free Lunch.

1. in Jean Vaysse, Toward Awakening, p. 10-11.

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