From the start, I will give you a clear hint on where we are heading to. Think of the Zen teachings, think of the Zen anecdotes. Zen has given us a fascinating methodology on how to handle the absurd. There are obviously many other ways, but I guess this is one of the most well known ones these days.

One of the few essential experiences

I said that facing the absurd is an essential experience for us. There are few experiences of this kind, which we could call essential ones. Like death. We all have to face death at some point. We may think of death as the utmost in terms of what we have to face. It is truly unavoidable, it is a great suffering, it is the unmerciful end. Death causes the greatest fear of all. But it doesn’t cause despair. That is the scope of the absurd.

Absurd leads to despair. Despair is the sense of being annihilated, the dissolution of our being. Think of the small stupid situations of our daily lives when we find ourselves in completely unreasonable circumstances. Those events might have reasons and reasonings for others, from other perspectives. But not for us.

However, the absurd might show up with greater intensity. Usually when we face the loosing of something important, may be even what represented the meaning of life for us. Or there are situations of facing great unfairness, injustice. In these situations, when we vehemently protest, we usually find ourselves exclaiming: “This is absurd!”

Learning to deal with the absurd is vital

Being cheated, being betrayed often leads to suicidal endings. The inability of facing the absurdity of the circumstances sometimes leads to tragic endings. But form the perspective of the absurd, as an essential existential experience, that showed up in our life, the suicidal ending is a completely wrong answer. The inability to accept the unacceptable is obvious here. But what is also obvious is that the major reason that led to this was not knowing how to face the absurd.

Why this isn’t then part of our mundane training? It would save us from lots of catastrophic endings. A possible answer is that it is way too uncomfortable to even bring it in discussion. On the level of personal development, personal accomplishment, the goal is to be reasonable, to achieve what is there to be achieved, relative to those who have already achieved what had to be achieved. There is no place here for anything that is unavoidable, inevitable. Everything has to be under control, under personal control.

Is there an easy way?

It seems that dealing with the absurd was banished to the other side, to what is generally called spirituality. Let spirituality deal with it. And spirituality does that. Every form, or frame, or methodology of spiritual development urges you to learn how to deal with the absurd. The most famous one nowadays seems to be the Zen way to do this. But Western traditions, usually the esoteric ones, are doing the same. In the tradition of Alchemy there is what is called Nigredo, a first phase leading towards future purification and transformation. The Christian tradition is also familiar with the Dark Night of the Soul.

Regarding the Zen approach, I would say that the point is often missed. We are extremely amused by the stories there. It can be funny, no question, but there is way more to it. Learning to face the absurd is a bigger task than even learning to face death. And just imagine how difficult is for a Zen teacher to find a way for his disciple to realize it, to learn it. Seemingly it takes time, a great deal of time.

Will stop here for now, saying that I am sometimes criticized by my readers that I am too serious. This time I might have really gone too far. So, to end this article in a lighter tone, here is a Zen anecdote:

Ikkyu, the Zen master, was very clever even as a boy. His teacher had a precious teacup, a rare antique. Ikkyu happened to break this cup and was greatly perplexed. Hearing the footsteps of his teacher, he held the pieces of the cup behind him. When the master appeared, Ikkyu asked: “Why do people have to die?”

Ikkyu, producing the shattered cup, added: “It was time for your cup to die.”

The truth about not knowing

Just consider how ravishing it sounds in its simplicity to acknowledge the state of not knowing. But this works only if one says it about oneself. It never works if someone else does the honors. Can you imagine that? How would you react if somebody would tell you that in fact you don’t really know anything. Anything at all. Truth hurts. Mostly when someone else tells it to you. So, at least that much knowledge was left there. Knowledge of being insulted.

Awakening is the preferred term to denote the radical change required in terms of spiritual development. Usually it is pointing out the first phase of the unfolding of such a process. Then, it might point out different stages of the process. The concept can be tricky, as there is no linearity involved, not in the time and space as we know. But in the subjective time and inner space.

Letting go of the so obsessively embraced identity is a requirement. Mistaking ourselves for the things we gathered around us, holding on so tightly to our imagined self, sometimes even to our sufferings – needs to end. Some say, the ego needs to be destroyed. This one still goes beyond my understanding. I don’t get the combative mood here. I don’t see anything that needs to be destroyed.

Awakening doesn’t only mean that one realizes the worthlessness of the accumulated knowledge. But going even further. Realizing our nothingness. Also, realizing our absolute helplessness. When you start to understand yourself, at certain moments you get horrified. Then you decide to get rid of that horrifying part of yourself. But you can’t. Slowly you start to accept your helplessness, your nothingness. Only then you can see how you really are.

Changing the focus from what is seen to the seer

We use the term being awake generally to indicate that we are not sleeping. Awakening from sleep goes naturally, meaning that you are not commonly aware of how that happens. There might be exceptions. If we consider conscious dreaming, we might realize that it is possible to wake up voluntarily. How does that happen? The methods indicate that if you wish to end your dream and wake up, then you should focus your sight on one spot. That is supposed to make it happen. It is interesting to see, that what in fact makes the awakening happen is the change of focus not necessarily of your “eyes”, but you are in fact focusing on yourself. On your self. Reorienting your focus and amplifying your self awareness. Remembering yourself in a dream causes the awakening.

Why should it be different if we consider the spiritual connotations of “awakening”? Changing the focus, orienting it towards a less altering identity. Towards a self that seems different from the ones so deeply identified with its surroundings. To a more objective one. Seemingly the end of comparative reality can come to an end only through self remembering.

Obviously autodidacticism is very much present on many levels of our modern lives, in many forms. Learning languages for example, although you know that a teacher or a native speaker must show up at some point. I am not talking about this kind of self-education.

In what the common knowledge calls personal development, autodidacticism has reached nowadays its all-time high. By now, self-help can be considered not only an ideology, but also a movement. Behind this ideology there is a whole industry. Complete sets of business models are available in the fields of personal motivation, mind shaping etc. Scientific and pseudo-scientific explanations are there to serve the cause.

Authenticity is seemingly not a requirement

Autodidacticism seems to perform well here. Tons of books, audio-video materials, also courses and trainers are available. If those authors have reached the goals of personal success designated in their own methods – seems to be irrelevant. Most of those methods being popularized through global channels, it is somewhat understandable. You don’t really have a connection with the author. Your choice is just to follow the recipes and see for yourself if it works. Authenticity is present here just as the promise of future success and in the false form of convincing marketing. Actually your sole choice is to be a habitual autodidact.

Saturation and isolation

Currently the influence of this conviction is placing its marks on forms of spiritual development. “The Age of Masters is over” states Jodorowsky. And he might be very much right. Not that there is no more need for guidance and authenticity. But the habitual autodidacticism led to a psychological complex. This is what I would like to call the Autodidacticism Complex. The autodidact reaches a level of saturation and isolation where a misconception is installed. The misconception of being able to learn anything on your own. There is no room left for an outer point of support. Maybe support is too much, let’s just say point of reference. There is only space left for yourself.

How far should one go with autodidacticism?

… the need for a strong ego …

I often hear that it is a requirement for spiritual development that you have ‘a strong ego’. Sometimes it is even aggravated by making it a necessity of such great importance that it is useless to start any spiritual practice without it. Why is this considered so important? Is it so that there should be no spiritual development unless having a ’strong ego’?

Giving it a second thought, the idea is not completely wrong. You must have seen people involved so much in some “spiritual” practice that they truly needed some grounding. On the other hand, I would not consider that – whatever they were doing – spiritual practice. Rather some form of escaping from their life. Nevertheless, the ’strong ego’ advocacy I tend to see as the other side of the coin. Usually it is propagated by disillusioned former “spiritual practicers”.

Comparative reality vs. existential reality

If spiritual development starts where personal development ends, which I like to call the moment/space of the soul, then this is where the ’strong ego’ theory is no longer valid. Spiritual development is all about neutralizing the influence of what previously you’ve built. So far, you’ve been searching your place in the world, coming up to expectations, building your identity. Your whole existence was marked by a comparative reality. All built up in time with great effort and a lot of energy invested. Now you will hardly let it go. But spiritual development requires you to turn towards an other form of reality, the existential reality.

Worse than the fear of death

Your identity is your own comparative reality. It is your money, your status, your charm etc. that you can hardly let go. Your identity is your biggest obsession. You do not want to live without it even for a second. Loosing your identity seems far worse than death itself. If there is the slightest chance to see your identity saved in some form after death, then you can deal with the fear of dying. But loosing your identity seems far worse. It is the biggest of all fears.

Spiritual development turns you towards existential reality. ‘Existential Reality’ is the label that is attached to the way reality really is. It is a positive existence. The spirit is always expressed or symbolized by light. Light has a positive existence. Darkness is defined in comparison to light. Darkness exists in a comparative reality, doesn’t have a positive existence.

So, just like that, your identity – that you hold on to even more than to life itself,- doesn’t have a positive existence. It must be strange from the point of view of existential reality how obsessed we are with it, how desperately we hang on to it. To something which is not.